Posts made in March, 2013

Health Frustrations

I started this blog a week ago, and I was feeling highly motivated. I was beginning to lose weight, and I thought it was “for real this time.” I joined SparkPeople again for the eighth or tenth time, and I had really high hopes for everything. Unfortunately, what I had forgotten at the time is that all the motivation in the world cannot make my body behave the way it needs to sometimes. Mainly:

  • I go through periods where I gain weight with no known reason. It is not supposed to be any of my medications specifically, but it could be that I’m taking insulin, or it could just be that my body does not like my current cocktail of medications.
  • Despite the best intentions, I can end up at the end of the day with low sugar and have to supplement. While sugar tablets, gels and juices are not inherently bad for me, they’re certainly not good for me.
  • I have digestive issues that get in the way.
  • Some days I simply cannot exercise because of fatigue, pain, dizziness and other random and terribly annoying stuff.

Now that I have gotten my excuses out of the way, I am really frustrated right now. Frustrated because despite all my attempts to be healthy this week, I have gone from 220 to 215 to 222. I was 222 lbs this morning and that number makes me ill. I’ve come a long way since 370 lbs and I refuse to let myself gain weight like this anymore. The problem is, if I can do nearly 40 minutes of cardio exercise and eat healthy, why am I gaining so much weight so quickly?

Losing weight is not about looking hot or feeling hot. It’s about becoming healthier, about being able to take care of myself more effectively. If losing weight and getting fit means better blood sugar control, more energy and improved concentration, then my primary focus is simply to get there. I need to get there, my health and well being absolutely depend on it.. But I am stuck. Why can’t I make everything come together so I can lose some weight?

Last summer I went practically 0-carbs and got down to 198lbs, but then I started having hypoglycemic incidents, and I had to start consuming carbs again.. and eating carbs is a slippery slope. πŸ˜‰ Maybe I need to do the no-carb thing again. Maybe there is some key I’m missing here. I felt so much better at 198lbs. I felt motivated to get to 170. I felt motivated to be truly healthy and in control of my well being.




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Brain dump.

There’s a lot on my mind today and I’m having great difficulty organizing it all into a simple format in my brain. First and foremost, I was accepted into a college here in upstate New York, which means that I can work on my Bachelor’s degree, something I have been dreaming over since my mom passed away nearly a decade ago. The downside is that I have only a small amount of time to figure out my finances and get prepared for school since the first term begins in May and will run me about $2,700. On top of needing to pay for school, I am also making a mad dash to attempt to pay off my debts, of which there are several. I am not as far in debt as many people my age, but I am too far for my own tastes.

Don’t you love tickers? I love tickers. Here are some tickers:


That’s a start, right? Let’s see what else is on my plate.


And for lack of a better place to put this one right now.. Because I have been in a ticker-making mood.


Oh, um.. I’ll put something with more substance up later, I think. πŸ™‚




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Setting Goals

Good morning! 215.0lbs this morning. I have lost 5lbs and have about 45 to go. πŸ™‚

The best way to accomplish anything, at least for me, is to set some pretty concrete goals. I have a lot on my mind right now and I am feeling pretty overwhelmed. I am moving to a new apartment in six weeks, and so there are some pretty serious things I need to be thinking about right now. First and foremost:

(I apologize for all the links.. They’re for my reference, mostly.)

  • I need to develop a solid, concrete plan for earning an income. People think that working from home as a writer is all fun and games, but if you don’t exercise discipline, focus and organization, you can fail pretty miserably. I am using a really neat app on my iPad called 30/30, which allows me to follow the Pomodoro Technique for time keeping. Today’s schedule is set up like this: 25 minutes of writing, 10 minutes to work on my websites, 10 minutes to expand my Fiverr account and then 10 minutes to take a break. This cycle will repeat until I pause or stop the timer. It is an excellent way to stay on task.
  • I need to develop a solid plan for my finances. One thing that I really want to do is to utilize Credit Karma to monitor my credit score and to use Mint to monitor my finances. Before I had credit cards and bills and bank accounts to monitor, Mint was pretty annoying. Now it’s excellent to have, especially on my phone, my tablet and my computer. I’m never too far removed from my finances this way.
  • I am putting into place a diet and exercise program. I’m using Spark People and Spark Coach, because they take into consideration my diabetes, fibromyalgia, and other situations that are altering how I diet and exercise. Spark Coach is really awesome (I am trying out the free trial) because it walks you through a program like Weight Watchers or a similar program would, and has you do visualizations, track your weight and measurements, what you eat and how you exercise, then gives you video feedback every day to keep you on track. It’s like having your own trainer without having to feel fat or without being criticized for bad days.
  • I am determined to read more. I want to soak up knowledge and information the way that I used to. My goal is to read something every day, even if it’s just a few pages in a book or part of a magazine. All new information is good information, and I can put a lot of new stuff to work for me.

I am about to set my first timer and drop myself into my work. I think I will update this evening at some point. πŸ™‚




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A day like any other..

Let us first begin with the happy news: I weighed in at 215.2 lbs this morning. πŸ™‚

Well, today was a particularly sick day. My stomach has been bothering me for close to a week now, and I have had trouble keeping food down lately. I ate very little today, taking care to go with the most nutritionally beneficial options in the house so that I could benefit as much as possible. Breakfast and lunch both gave me problems but dinner appears to be cooperating.

For the first time ever, last night, I forgot to take my insulin. I was caught up in medicine changes, and forgot to do my evening shot. I take Lantus Solostar every evening, and it moderates my blood sugar all day long rather than having to take insulin every time I am going to eat. The downside is, today had to be a virtually no-carbohydrates day, otherwise my blood sugar was going to go through the roof.

Today was a rough day, and I realize I’ve stepped away from my goals a bit. Tomorrow I am going to make a huge effort to bring my goals and dreams into focus so that I can really start achieving something.



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First, an introduction.

I have owned this domain name for a very long time. It may be that I have owned it for as long as “Knight’s Tale” has been a film. I fell in love with that movie, largely because it sparked something in me that remained with me for many years. I’ve intended to “change my stars” for many years, making plans but never following through. Almost six years ago, I started losing weight rapidly and thought it was finally time to make changes. What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was losing weight because I had developed diabetes. I spent five years completely unaware of the complications I was causing to my health. The upside is that I went from 370lbs to 200lbs during this time. The downside is that I nearly killed myself in the process.

In April 2012, I became ill and could not fight it off. My housemate urged me to go to the Urgent Care in town, and I finally did. After a few tests, they told me some startling facts. My A1C was 15, though it should be less than 5. My fasting blood sugar level, a number that should be between 70 and 130, was 330. I was approaching ketoacidosis, a serious diabetes complication that would have killed me.

Everything changes when you nearly die.

Within a few months I managed to successfully bring my A1C down to 5.6. Not perfect, but for someone with diabetes and a weight issue, I am certainly improving. My typical fasting blood sugar level is between 80 and 110. During the process of bringing my blood sugar down, I discovered that my high blood sugar buffer had been covering up some complications caused by the diabetes: Mainly, fibromyalgia, retinopathy in my eyes and neuropathy in my legs.

Getting healthy is more difficult when you are in pain all the time. I suffer from intense headaches, debilitating fatigue and chronic pain all over. The neuropathy causes pain that is reminiscent of being stabbed with needles that are electrified. The fibromyalgia causes pain that is a cross between muscle soreness and bone soreness. Sometimes I feel like my joints are inflamed and it is hard to walk. Sometimes I just have to stand still because no part of my body wants anything to touch it. It’s made for an interesting life. This year has been truly life-altering.

So today is March 1. The anniversary of discovering I was diabetic is fast approaching, on April 19. I have a little bit of time to put myself in a better situation. This is especially important because the insulin and the other meds I’m taking, coupled with sleep issues and pain, have caused me to gain 20lbs. Today on March 1, 2013, I am 216lbs, which means that I have lost 4lbs on my own, but I really need to get below 200 again, and beyond that even.

This is just an introduction. There is so much more to say. But I want to start with some goals that I will address every day.

  • I want to gain control of my finances. I am a freelance writer and a part-time secretary. I have the means to get control of my money, now I need to put a plan into action.
  • I want to lose weight. At 216lbs, I have a ways to go. By the end of the summer I would be thrilled to weigh 170lbs.
  • I want to get fit. Diet and exercise is not just about numbers. I want to feel healthy in my own skin. Exercise can go a long way to improving mood, improving sleep and improving blood sugar. I need to stay active.
  • I want to go back to school. I am currently applying for a local college. I am trying to obtain a bachelor’s degree in business administration, though have considered focusing on business law as well.
  • I want to develop my own identity. There are so many things I’m passionate about that I’ve lost touch with. I miss growing things in planters. I miss crafting and Β making jewelry. I miss reading. I want to dive back into these things. I want to use them as incentives and rewards for meeting my other goals.

I’m 28 years old. I will be 29 in July. I’m too young to be so lost. I’m too young to be so unhealthy. I only have a few good years left to make a serious lasting change. Today is day one. I will change my stars.



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