Day Six: Flare-Up Phenomenon

On occasion, I throw myself into such a tailspin with things like stress and anxiety, I actually unconsciously exacerbate my health conditions. Today I am contending with one such situation. It started in my fingers, with piercing pains, which soon spread up my arms and down my sides. Within an hour I was in full body pain, every inch of me from the chin down erupting in static shocks and piercing pains. My stomach began to act up shortly after, pressure in my stomach and esophagus causing difficulty swallowing and breathing. The physiological issues exacerbate the anxiety and depression, which exacerbates the physiological issues in kind, and I fall deeper and deeper into the tailspin until I have no other option than to make my meds and go to bed.

I planned on writing something more tonight, but there’s nothing left in me. I am completely depleted. I am going to bed.



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Day Five: Trying to Get on Track

Five days in to my little project and I am still feeling very much like things are out of my control. What this means is that I need to find and repair the little breaks and tears, build a stronger foundation and soldier on. I cannot let my life get out of my control any more than it already is, and I cannot keep functioning with things as out of control as they have been.

I switched my insulin to mornings and it wasn’t the best idea. For whatever reason my sugar prior to giving insulin was 171 this morning, and I am not okay with this. Tonight I’ll administer at night like I used to, and I hope that the slightly-overlapping dosage will help correct the highs. If all goes as planned, tomorrow morning my sugar will be better and going forward I’ll have a little more control.

(This is probably the most boring post you’ve ever read. Haha, like anyone is actually reading this …)

In truth, I’m feeling very lost today. I’m feeling like I don’t know where I’m going. There are definitely some things missing from my life, and it’s time to pinpoint what they are and make change. I accomplished very little today. I ended up taking a rest day on the squats and push ups, not because my body needed it but because I just didn’t want to.

It’s only 8:00pm (I’ve been working on this blog post for hours..) but I am going to bed. I have already taken all three hundred of my medications, it’s time to crash.



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Day Four: Sleeping

I slept last night as if I had never been unwell, crashing shortly after my head hit the pillow and sleeping almost entirely through the night. I woke up twice but not for very long, and slept until after 7am. I even went further and took a nap this afternoon, much needed and well appreciated.

I am down 4lbs in 4 days and I hope that it lasts. Not the steep weight loss, but that they actually stay off. I continued my squats and push ups, I was supposed to have a rest day but skipped it because my body is really enjoying the activity. Another fair day with regards to blood sugar. I can’t complain with a 130-150 average but I would *prefer* lower.

I’m feeling really vulnerable today. Can’t tell if it’s from the body stuff (fibro, fatigue) or energy (weather, planets, other people’s stress) or totally internal, but man everything is weighing me down. I didn’t accomplish much, barely even turned on my computer. I guess I needed a day like this to reset and recharge.

Hopefully tomorrow is better.

Moving forward. Four days down, 86 to go.

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Day Three: My Person Returns

Everything feels half-done today. It’s 9:30am, and at nearly-seven tonight my person will be returning from his trip overseas. And I am absolutely elated, but also feeling a bit overwhelmed in the preparations. Trying to keep myself sane by keeping myself distracted.

Today the muscles in my legs ache, which is from the squat challenge. Today I will do 15 squats, and they will burn, and I will love it. Tomorrow is my first resting day, and I think I will need it. I also have to do 9 push ups today, which is a feat for me because my arms and back are not very strong. I like the diamond push ups, they seem to be easier on my wrists. I’m ranting, aren’t I?

I finally did sleep at 11pm last night, but I have been up since around 2:30am so it wasn’t much sleep. I think I will sleep better when my person returns. =)

On day 3, my sugar is fair (126 mg/dl) and I have lost 1 lb. It’s a start. Move forward. Make progress.

Here is a small list of agenda items for me to attend to, today. The little one, my pseudo-kiddo as it were, had a bad night with a cough so I will be attending to him too throughout the day.

  1. 9 Push Ups
  2. 15 Squats
  3. Finish Statistics homework assignment
  4. Finish Cost Accounting homework assignment
  5. Finish Business Ethics homework assignment
  6. Finish Writing work (Roughly 4000 words)
  7. Work on client website
  8. Straighten office
  9. Straighten bedroom/bathroom
  10. Laundry
  11. Get pretty ^.^
  12. Pick person up from the airport

Oh, so many things to do and only approximately 8 hours with which to do them. I’d better get started. =) Off to do squats!



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Day Two: Insomnia

As I’m writing this, it’s 12:50pm on a Sunday afternoon.  woke up yesterday, Saturday, at 7:00am. So in a few short minutes it will have been 30 hours that I have been awake and I am not entirely certain why.

I feel like perhaps, today, sleep is not meant to be my primary concern. I suppose that there are too many other things on my mind right now, so here I am: Sitting in front of my computer looking at homework, work, my blog and other  things. Thinking about the future. Obsessing about fitness. There’s really too, too much on my mind to do anything else but get it out in some way. Let’s start with this:

  1. Positive: I did my squats challenge and push ups challenge with Mandi. Today was 6 push ups and 12 squats.
  2. Negative: My sugar was 146 mg/dl this morning. This is not too bad for having not slept, but I do not like it this high.
  3. Positive: I accomplished a lot of homework last night and have a plan in place for accomplishing more today.
  4. Negative: I am struggling to maintain the necessary focus to accomplish regular work stuff (Writing.)

This is not the end of the things I need to attend to this week. I am making strides, but I’m not where I wish I were. I suppose this is a normal part of starting a new “plan,” not liking where you’re going at first. Because I really need to feel some semblance of control over my “creative life,” I’ve decided that each day I need to pick a creative endeavor to pursue, whether it be one of my personal writing projects, a jewelry project or one of my other business ideas. Today I really want to make something with my hands, and so I will be crafting some earrings in a little while. If anything positive comes from the work, I’ll post pictures tonight.

My person is away for the week due to family obligations, but due to return in approximately 29 hours. I am hoping to sleep more consistently when he returns.



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There are several drafts sitting in my “Posts,” some of them are empty but titled, others have a few words but nothing more. The posts never go anywhere, they just sit and collect dust. But what they tell me, sitting there all lined up waiting to be posted, is that on numerous occasions I had something I need to say, felt compelled to say, but did not end up saying for some reason or another.

What it means, ultimately, is that I am preventing myself from getting out feelings and words that need to come out.

On this very last day of February, months since my last post, I reached out to a very good friend of mine, also a blogger who has abandoned her post, and made a plea for a new project, a joint venture, a challenge. Blog every day for 90 days in an attempt to reach some goals. We both have several areas of our lives where we’re feeling unaccomplished. We’ve shelved projects, given up on dreams, and most importantly we’ve stopped taking care of ourselves in our quest to take care of everyone around us.

So tonight I proposed a change. There are only two rules to the game.

1. We will create a small collection of goals that we want to achieve in 90 days. They have to be realistic, reasonable goals.

2. We will blog every day for 90 days as we strive to achieve these goals. Our blogs will become our avenues for accountability, because we only have ourselves in the end.

I’m sitting at a borrowed desk, running on fumes and borrowed time (via coffee.) I haven’t been sleeping much, basically running myself to the point of exhaustion before I get a few hours. This is a dangerous game, considering what it does to my diabetes and fibromyalgia. Tonight I am vowing to get my thoughts down, to clear them from my head, so that I can hopefully find the rest I seek and start fresh tomorrow.

Tomorrow, March 1, will be day one of ninety. I have 90 days to make a change in my life.

I don’t know what I will be able to accomplish in this time. How much focus I’ll have. What impact I’ll have.

What I do know is that I’ll be blogging about it, I’ll be recording it, and hopefully THAT above all else will drive me to make change.


Hey look, new signature!


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