I started this blog a week ago, and I was feeling highly motivated. I was beginning to lose weight, and I thought it was “for real this time.” I joined SparkPeople again for the eighth or tenth time, and I had really high hopes for everything. Unfortunately, what I had forgotten at the time is that all the motivation in the world cannot make my body behave the way it needs to sometimes. Mainly:

  • I go through periods where I gain weight with no known reason. It is not supposed to be any of my medications specifically, but it could be that I’m taking insulin, or it could just be that my body does not like my current cocktail of medications.
  • Despite the best intentions, I can end up at the end of the day with low sugar and have to supplement. While sugar tablets, gels and juices are not inherently bad for me, they’re certainly not good for me.
  • I have digestive issues that get in the way.
  • Some days I simply cannot exercise because of fatigue, pain, dizziness and other random and terribly annoying stuff.

Now that I have gotten my excuses out of the way, I am really frustrated right now. Frustrated because despite all my attempts to be healthy this week, I have gone from 220 to 215 to 222. I was 222 lbs this morning and that number makes me ill. I’ve come a long way since 370 lbs and I refuse to let myself gain weight like this anymore. The problem is, if I can do nearly 40 minutes of cardio exercise and eat healthy, why am I gaining so much weight so quickly?

Losing weight is not about looking hot or feeling hot. It’s about becoming healthier, about being able to take care of myself more effectively. If losing weight and getting fit means better blood sugar control, more energy and improved concentration, then my primary focus is simply to get there. I need to get there, my health and well being absolutely depend on it.. But I am stuck. Why can’t I make everything come together so I can lose some weight?

Last summer I went practically 0-carbs and got down to 198lbs, but then I started having hypoglycemic incidents, and I had to start consuming carbs again.. and eating carbs is a slippery slope. 😉 Maybe I need to do the no-carb thing again. Maybe there is some key I’m missing here. I felt so much better at 198lbs. I felt motivated to get to 170. I felt motivated to be truly healthy and in control of my well being.